Category Archives: My Bitchin Heart.

Last night I walked into a restaurant bar and immediately heard my name.

“Pimpy?”

I looked over and see two girls sitting at the bar. I recognize neither one.

The girl calling my name re-introduces herself. We met at a mutual friend’s birthday party months ago. I can’t remember the exact date but I do recall I walked to the restaurant because it was snowing outside.

The girls immediately apologize for their appearance. One is wearing a gauzy scarf that I take is an attempt to look  artsy; the other is wearing an adorable top that was tragically paired with 1990s-style, jean capris rolled up at the ankle. Personally I think it’s lame when people apologize for their outfits, but I digress. That’s aside from the point because the next thing she says is so unbelievably socially awkward.

“Oh my gosh. I HEARD about you and J. I am so, SO very sorry.”

I stare at her.

For one, she doesn’t look sorry. In fact, she has a bit of an impish twinkle that makes me think that she’s hoping to get the green light to Facebook message him. (I know you read this. Don’t think about it. She’s tacky.) But I’m mainly surprised because not only was the break up months ago, but it wasn’t really that dramatic or anything. Yet here is this chick that I met one-time, months ago acting like she has a gateway to my soul.

Do I ask her what she’s talking about? Do I tell her that he’s alive and well? But suddenly a beep pulls me out of my reverie. It’s a text from a guy friend who is entertaining investment bankers in town from NYC. He’s asking if we can join for dinner. I have no desire to go join up, but I get some perverse satisfaction as I see the familiar shade of jade pass over her face when I tell her.

And then, just when I think it can’t get any better, my friend pipes in:

“Where exactly are you from?”

She responds she grew up in some random city in North or South Carolina. And then she asks why.

“Oh, no reason really. Just wondering where you would have to be from to have not learned basic manners.”

Okay, now that was bitchy. But then again, that is exactly one of the reasons why I love my friends.

As we walk away I think about how it really is too bad. I remembered who the girl was and that even though J found her annoying I thought she was perfectly entertaining.

He always was the better judge of character.

I went and saw Twilight: Eclipse last night.

For the third time.

FAIL.

My friend C promptly sent me this:

In my defense … I only paid for a child’s ticket?

I’ve apparently developed an allergy of sorts to alcohol. Which is just as sucky as you might imagine. So today I decided to give my little face a break and not wear any foundation/cover-up/anything else that might cover the ridiculous rash on my cheeks.

Mistake. No. FAIL.

Not only do I run into a guy I used to date at the bank, but upon arrival at work, a reporter from the newspaper is here to take my picture for a major metropolitan newspaper. Seriously. So I put my ego aside and smile real pretty and get back to my desk and think, “Well, today has got to get better from here on out!”

Wrong.

My phone rings and it is my best guy friend calling to tell me that the HVAC in my unit is spilling out water, destroying my new pimpy rug and the hardwoods in my living room.

Yay Tuesday!